Question:

My husband and I are thinking of living aboard a sailboat in four to five years from now. His daughter is grown and just purchased her first home while my daughter is a freshmen in high school.

I suppose it is harder for me to take to the idea of living aboard because I have a really great paying job and I feel I need to help my daughter with college. I am only 39 so leaving my career is harder than I thought it would be. Any advice for me? My husband is 47 and more than ready to leave tomorrow. He is self employed and can build or fix anything so he will not have a problem finding work along the way of our adventure.

I look forward to hearing from you if you have time or advice.

– Judy and John

Harriett writes in:

Hi Judy and John,

It’s probably too early to decide – 5 years is a long time and you may feel differently by then. Or your daughter may get a scholarship or change her path.

If you can fit sailing into your current life, that would be a good start to finding out whether you want to even try it.

Also, there’s nothing wrong with a “try it and we’ll see how it goes” attitude.

All these thoughts come from my own experience, since my husband and I left to go cruising at 45 with the idea that we’d do it for 2 years and see if we liked it. Twenty years later, we still consider ourselves cruisers, although we’re ashore right now caring for elderly parents.

At your age, we both had jobs we loved and our son was in high school. Within 5 years, he got fired by new management and I got laid off in a corporate downsizing, our son quit school and joined the marines and we sold our “weekending” boat to buy a bigger one.

So, we sold our house, which was not located where new jobs would have been, stored everything we couldn’t bear to part with in his father’s basement and moved onto our bigger boat for a couple of years of cruising. After that, we never went back.

The first year we were in shock, but we’ve learned that living with less and having time to enjoy the cruising world really suits us. So, go sailing, see if you like it and reassess it all in 5 years. Meanwhile, save for your daughter’s education, just in case you want to go.

You only get one life – and only you can decide how to spend it.

We received this from Tracy:

This the question that only you can ask yourself.

I can only comment from my viewpoint. I have been cruising for five years now and love it, I am not the greatest sailor (I get seasick and occassionally cabin fever) but I love the fact that I take my home with me, met amazing and inspiring people, see remote and stunning areas and the lifestyle is rewarding.

I think it is harder for a woman to make the decision as we are the homemakers, the mothers, etc. We look for security, both a home and family.

Before I went cruising I badgered other women cruisers, sailors and asked lots of questions, especially about cooking, space for me (it is a male dominated world), being scared, handling a boat by myself, beauty and being feminine aboard, etc. I asked everyone who would answer my questions until they were answered-no matter how silly.

We have three children, we left the youngest when she was in her last year of high school, she had a strong supportive peer group and we had family close by. We talked to the school and they supported leaving her behind rather than taking her with us. The other two were self sufficient. Yes life was difficult having no family home but they learnt a lot. We were only a phone or email away, family support was nearby. My justification was that I was only a phone call or email away and 24-48 hours by plane from anywhere in the world (of course dependent upon if I was mid passage (but how often is that).

Leaving work was difficult, I had delayed my career due to having children, I was beginning the career progression, getting into management and strategic planning and enjoying it-although the stress levels were not pleasant. I was making a difference and enjoying the fact that I was advancing in my career. My husband;s mother died when she was 45 and we said that we would travel before we got too old and ill. So we set a date and kept to it.

We need to work as we travel as we are well before retirement age and need to earn our cruising kitty. It is interesting that I have been able to pick up casual and relief work at the level that I left-I thought I would be changing beds, washing dishes or cleaning toilets. I have not left my Country yet but feel that I would pick up work if needed or travel home and find something short term to save money.

I was very scared about resigning and selling my home-I was giving up my security but the cruising lifestyle, moving about-the gypsy life suits us. As Beth Leonard states it does not suit everyone. All I can say is what you decide is best for you do not feel you need to conform sort our what suits you.

Kind regards,
Tracy

D (Dierdre) offered this thought:

I have read or heard more than once that:

“The greatest disappointments in life can be NOT doing something.”

Having gone out and tried, means you have those memories to carry you through difficult periods we all face in life.

Good luck and fair winds,
D Wogaman
sv Southern Cross

About Ask Your Questions

When we receive a question from Women and Cruising readers, we send it out to women who we think might have relevant experience to share. These women often email the questioner back directly, but if everyone agrees we will also post the questions and answers/responses here in the blog. We may change the name or some details of the question to protect the questioner’s privacy if requested.

Beth Leonard, Sherry McCampbell and Kathleen Watt also responded to Judy’s question. We will be posting others responses as we receive them.

If you have thoughts for Judy on her big decision

Email kathy@forcruisers.com or leave a comment below. We will send your response on to Judy, and may post it here on the blog too if you agree.

Do YOU have a question for Women and Cruising?

Email kathy@forcruisers.com or leave a comment below.

Related articles:

• Should I quit my job and go cruising? Beth Leonard responds

• Should I quit my job and go cruising? Sherry McCampbell responds

• Should I quit my job and go cruising? Kathleen Watt responds

It’s been over a year and a half since we pulled out of our home port of Bainbridge Island, Washington, and headed south.

Going cruising as a family, instead of waiting for our children to leave the nest, is one of the best choices my husband and I have ever made.

Sure, we have some challenges that the empty nest cruisers don’t have: they probably haven’t had lego bits bind up their macerator pump, or string cheese blocking the finely machined teeth on a winch. But these are minor, and only place-shifted from the similar parenting realities we’d face on land.

Whether taking your children cruising is a long term proposition or a sabbatical year, it is a great opportunity for them to experience so much of life that their peers can only learn about second hand.

The comparatively outdoor existence of our lifestyle brings them in tune with the natural environment: tides, moon phases, animal migrations.

They have real responsibilities: not just the usual household chores, but meaningful ones that make a material difference in our lives and others. Our 10 year old can stand a day watch, and handle net control for a Mexico-wide SSB radio net. Whether looking for hazards or relaying health and welfare reports, he understands the gravity of these roles.

The children haven’t just been informed about ancient populations from books and museums, they’ve walked through middens and discovered artifacts from stone tools to arrowheads. Our son has been cataloging fish and is a virtual encyclopedia of all things fishy – an excellent snorkeling partner, as he can identify all the creatures for me!

From the outside, we’re routinely reinforced by the cruising community around us: reflections from empty nest cruisers that they wish they’d gone sooner, with children, or how lucky our children are to have this opportunity.

I have to agree with them, and wish I’d had the same chance myself.

It is an unexpected delight how our own experiences, cruising as parents, are enriched by our children. I should have remembered from my days toting a baby in a sling what great ice breakers kids can be: children are inherently more approachable and present universal common ground.

The concerns that we hear expressed by people considering cruising as a family (or those who love them!) focus on safety and education. These are valid, but surmountable.

We find that many of the concerned views are generally expressed based upon assumptions that have little basis in the reality of cruising as a family.

It’s good to worry about education in advance: we all want the best for our children.

The reality is that you don’t have to be a trained teacher for your children to have an education far beyond what their peers will experience on land. Programs and approaches for homeschooling vary widely, and a fit can be found that meets the parent’s needs for handholding.

Safety for all of us is priority number one. We have strict rules about where the children can be on the boat, and when, and they are all old enough to understand them (our youngest was four at our departure). They all have PFDs and harnesses, and know how to use them. Our boat selection was based on safety overall and with children in particular: the center cockpit puts greater distance between them and the water.

The hardest part of going cruising for me, as a mother, was making the transition from working mom to cruising mom.

My days are so dramatically different now than they were a couple of years ago. I sometimes fantasize about having my pint size crew respond to my requests the way my old project teams did! I wouldn’t trade it for the world, though. All the little complications are far exceeded by the rewards we reap by cruising as a family unit.

About Behan Gifford

Behan Gifford is cruising with her husband, Jamie, and their children Niall, Mairen and Siobhan.

Their travels began from Bainbridge Island in 2008 on their Stevens 47, Totem. They’re currently in Mexico, preparing to cross to the Pacific islands.

Follow their adventures at www.sv-totem.com.

More info

• Kids Aboard Resources (on this website)

— “Yeah, we’ll make it.”  (him)
— “I don’t know…”  (me)
— “We’ll make it; sheet in the main!”  (him)

60 SECONDS LATER…

— “We’re not gonna make it.” (me)
— “We should tack.” (him)
— “Yeah, we should. We’re not gonna clear that boat.” (me)
— “Wait: I think we’re clearing it. Let’s wait a bit more.” (him)

ANOTHER 30 SECONDS LATER…

— “OK, let’s tack away from that boat.” (him)
— “No, it’s too late now. Let’s fall off and jibe around.” (me)
— “OK, you’re right. You do the jib sheets; I’ll get the main.” (him)
— “Yeah; let’s go. Now!” (me)

These decisions happen fast on board our boat MOMO…

…and my husband and I usually reach a conclusion much like we did that day, when we were departing Banderas Bay in Mexico, bound for the Marquesas.

We sailed off our anchor because the wind was just right and because, though we’re not superstitious about bananas and girls on board, we adhere religiously to our own peculiar belief in beginning any long passage under sailpower alone.

We kept a close eye on the nearest boat ahead of us, separately and then together assessing whether we’d sail clear of it.

We don’t always reach the same conclusion at the same time, but one way or another, we arrive at what’s needed.

The dialogue is typical; the banter is our MO. In our familiar rapid-fire way, we talked ourselves through the situation: Tack or not? Will we clear the boat? Yes? No? OK, then: let’s jibe and get the hell out of here!

A moment after that exchange, we let out our sails and fell off downwind into a larger space in which to jibe around. Bernie pulled in the main and released it as the boom crossed the cockpit, I brought the forward sails over to port, and we gracefully completed our jibe and headed into clear water.

We had taken the better, safer route out of the anchorage, falling off the wind and going astern of the twenty some boats anchored off the town of La Cruz, rather than tacking into the wind and weaving our way through the anchored boats ahead.

Either route would have worked (we are not hot-doggers; the question of how much space to put between ourselves and the boat directly in front of us was more a matter of degrees and comfort zone than real danger).

But this is a story about decision-making and not exit strategies.

Most people will tell you that consensus doesn’t work on a sailing vessel. And they might be right.

But I mean to tell you that you just have to do what works for you.

In our case, it’s talking through our strategy, getting on the same page, and then executing the plan, together. There’s a rhythm to it, sometimes a rumble, but, in the end, a good result.

Of course, it would be a lot easier if we’d just follow traditional rules about who’s the boss.

Captain Cook

On most sailboats, the roles of Captain and First Mate are firmly established, almost always along traditional gendered lines (though we know of a few boats where the roles are reversed).

On those vessels, this kind of discussion about departure strategy would not take place.

There’s comfort in that, to be sure: one strong voice of authority reduces any chance of misunderstandings, announces quick decisions, and ensures that directions are followed efficiently. Starboard tack? OK! Bring in the sails? Ay-ay, Cap’n!

No one says, “Do you really think so?” or “Well, I was rather thinking that another strategy might be altogether more effective.”

I see the logic in establishing firm lines of command. Some of the best captains of ships have historically been some of the strictest too. Not one crew member would describe Captain James Cook as touchy-feely, yet he certainly qualifies as one of the greatest sea captains ever.

Still, it comes down to personal style, and what works best on each particular ship.

Jana helming in Tonga

Bernie and I are not out discovering islands or naming continents; nor are we managing a crew of one hundred. Our goals are not so lofty.

And since neither of us wants to be bossed around by the other, we’ve slipped into our own style of how to do things.

We’ve been sailing together over a decade, living and loving together for fifteen. Open communication comes easily (and sometimes vociferously).

We were both historians before we left to go sailing, researching, writing, and expressing ourselves through discussion and debate on equal footing with the other.

When we got our first sailboat together, we wanted to maintain that equal footing, so we took an offshore course, together.

Sailing thru NYC

Never mind that it was like a second honeymoon in the gorgeous sailing ground of the BVIs; even better, we discovered that our separate sailing experiences and skills complemented each other, and we have learned ever since to recognize our individual strengths and weaknesses.

In this way, we’ve grown as sailors, and as a sailing couple.

As in the case of our departure from Banderas Bay, we rely on talking things through and reading each other’s nonverbal signals (yeah, a lot can be conveyed non-verbally). We keep each other in line; neither pulls rank. Mostly, we are generally good-natured folk and try not to let the tension of a particular moment ruin a day.

Sometimes he’s right, sometimes I am.

Usually it doesn’t matter.  We always get there one way or another.

I’m not sure either of us would have cut the muster on Captain Cook’s ship, but we do just fine on Momo.

But lest you think the main point here is to encourage boisterous debate, let me be clear. We women are all enthusiastic citizens of this post-suffragist world, and our voices are important. No one believes that more than I.

But the safety of the vessel is most critical, and I in no way advocate inappropriate insurrection against your captain.

Bernie and I have lived aboard for nearly eight years now with no sign of mutiny (not even from our children) — and that’s because our structure of command and communication is clear.

It shifts from one moment to the next, but when one of us asserts authority in a critical situation, everyone else intuitively understands who’s in charge.

Chain of command is important (even if it looks a little strange), and understanding how yours works (while still exercising your voice!) is most critical to your success as a sailing couple.

Democracy in action (Jana, 18 months)

Democracy in action (Lola, 3 yrs)

About Michelle Elvy

Michelle Elvy is an independent writer, living on a sailboat with her husband and two daughters for the last eight years.

Their travels began between the Chesapeake Bay and New England, and the last six years have taken them across the Pacific, from California to Hawaii, British Columbia to Alaska, Mexico to New Zealand.

Michelle’s professional lives have included teacher, historian, translator, editor, and chief wrangler at a software consulting company. She has written stories about children, food, faraway places, motorcycling, dreaming big, and the kindness of strangers.

She currently lives aboard Momo with her family in New Zealand.

You can read more at http://svmomo.blogspot.com/ and you can follow Michelle’s musings and publications at http://michelleelvy.wordpress.com.

More info

• Kids Aboard Resources (on this website)

Related articles (on this website)

• Joint Effort (Admiral’s Angle column #5)
• Admiral Abuse (Admiral’s Angle column #24)

How do you make decisions aboard your boat?
Let us know. Email kathy@forcruisers.com or leave a comment below.

In December 1992 I answered one more personal ad in the “Columbus Monthly” magazine, a glossy trendy publication in Columbus, Ohio. I responded by writing a note, as it was before Internet dating and instant gratification. Don called me after receiving that note.

What I did not understand at first was that he was actually looking for a cruising partner.

While on my first phone call with Don, I learned that people actually lived on boats. What a novel idea! It had never occurred to me.

Don’s life goal was to go cruising. He tried to explain that concept to me, how two alone could sail to wonderful exotic places together.

Since I am a social sort of person, I was immediately concerned about being separated from [other people and] my friends. However, Don’s inspired answer, “We will be in Paradise, with an extra bedroom…” settled me down so that I could listen to the remainder of the sales pitch from him.

Don was convinced that I would make a good cruiser.

I was a certified scuba diver, an avid horseback rider, a sky diver, a water skier, a snow skier, and a lover of traveling.

He also quickly learned that I am frugal, and I love to try new things. Cruising is an excellent venue for both, as I have learned.

Right off the bat, Don lent to me the book Blown Away by Herb Payson. He writes with great humor about his family’s hard lessons and misadventures as new cruisers. It is a fun read that leads you to believe that anyone can indeed cruise.

He also had me read Lynn and Larry Pardey’s books for a more serious look at the good and bad possibilities. I was hooked, but being a newbie to sailing I needed to get on track to cram sailing knowledge in my head.

Don suggested that I take the beginning boating courses offered by the United States Sail and Power Squadron in Columbus Ohio.

As a self-taught boater who was already distance sailing on the Great Lakes, Don did not feel it necessary to take these courses. However, realizing that he would become my hands on teacher, he decided to take the courses with me to avoid confusing me later with contradictory practices and jargon.

Believe it or not, at the time we joined the Columbus Squadron they were the largest Sail and Power Squadron in the USA, vying for that distinction with the Fort Lauderdale, Florida Squadron. That is pretty amazing since Columbus is land locked, with the nearest big water being Lake Erie almost three hours north of the city. But, lucky for us, our Squadron was blessed with many excellent experienced blue water boaters as instructors.

We ended up taking almost all of their courses together. Basic boating, Seamanship, Piloting, Advanced Piloting, Sailing, Weather (very hard but excellent), Engine Maintenance, Marine Electronics, and began but did not finish, Junior Navigation (offshore and celestial).

I highly recommend those courses, as they can be done in the winter when you can’t sail in many parts of the U.S. and they are very reasonably priced. You may not meet a lot of cruising sailors in the Sail and Power Squadron, but you can make lots of friends who will encourage you.

For Christmas 1993, Don gave me training with a female captain, on “our” boat.

Patty Moore from Sea Sense, the sailing school for women, came and stayed with us on SOUTHERN CROSS for two days to train me “hands on” on our boat.

Many times, learning from your significant other can be difficult; think back to trying to learn how to parallel park from your parents, not a pretty sight that is for sure.

Learning to sail from your significant other can be the same, but worse, because the experienced partner may not have the patience to share the tasks that the learner needs to practice.

Take my advice and try to learn basic boat handling one on one from someone who is trained to teach, and preferably on your own boat. This I highly recommend.

Don was allowed on the boat for half of one day while we practiced a man-over-board drill. Once he was off the boat, Patty showed me how to pivot the boat and how to dock, among other things.

Leaving our home marina in Port Clinton Ohio for the last time; setting out to go cruising. I am behind the wheel.

Prior to Patty I had NEVER docked, ever. Now I am the primary pilot and Don is the line handler.

Docking is still a bit of a nervous time for me, but I continue to practice so much that Don complains that he will forget if I do not let him dock once in awhile. Actually, neither one of us get to dock much as we anchor out most of the time.

While we were both still working hard to accumulate a cruising kitty we tried to take three-week vacations.

We are out exploring in the Bahamas.

The first seahorse I found. I was snorkeling in the Bahamas.

Since the boat was located in Lake Erie we would head north to Lake Huron, the North Channel, North Georgian Bay or perhaps Lake Michigan, usually covering about a thousand miles.

We sailed one week to get there, a week to have fun and then a week to get back. This helped to give me an idea of what the cruising life might be like. No, it is really not live aboard cruising, but it was the best facsimile we could do.

Those trips and a few bare boat charters in the Caribbean or the Bahamas in the winter really kept us focused on our goal.

There needs to be Joy in your work and plans.

For me, not being afraid to get my hands dirty and a willingness to learn new and different things was a great asset to learning to cruise.

I will admit I feel I am lucky in the partner I have.

Don is an excellent teacher, as he taught coal miners about electricity, and he has a wonderfully calm and cool personality. He rarely gets upset and does not yell. So I am indeed blessed.

About Dierdre Atkinson Wogaman

Dierdre Wogaman

Dierdre  sails with her husband Don Wogaman aboard SOUTHERN CROSS, their 1974 Dickerson 41 ketch. Designed by Ernie Tucker of Oxford, MD near the Dickerson plant this is the very first Dickerson 41 and was the last wooden boat Dickerson built.

Don bought the boat from her original owners, Neville and Louise Lewis who sailed her around the world with their son Chris aboard from 1975 to 1979. They sold SOUTHERN CROSS in 1984 to Don and then he moved her from the Chesapeake Bay to the Great Lakes.

Retiring and selling out of house and horse, Dierdre and Don moved to northern Ohio, Port Clinton to be exact, to be near the boat to finish prepping for cruising. In July 2002 they moved aboard and actually dropped the dock lines on October 17, 2002 to head east and then south.  It was not quite quick enough as they ran into some very cold temperatures along the way going through the Erie Canal.

Dierdre & Don are passing by the Statue of Liberty after having transited the Erie canal.

Not straying too far from Ohio, due to Don’s elderly parents’ failing health, kept them in the Chesapeake Bay that first winter. Subsequent years they sailed the East Coast from as far north as Cutler Maine and as far south as the Dry Tortugas and around Florida’s west coast up to Clearwater, following the seasons.

By 2006 it was time to venture further a field to the Bahamas, and then later to the Caribbean. One winter in the Bahamas and over two years in the eastern and western Caribbean finally made them feel like they were really cruising.

It has been a glorious time and thoroughly enjoyed, and after 7 years, 22,000 miles and countless new friendships they still feel like they are just getting started.

Now they are tied to a dock in Oriental, North Carolina’s sailing capitol, while remodeling the interior of the boat to prepare for future adventures. If you are in the area be sure and give them a shout. dndonwogs@gmail.com

More info

• Blown Away by Herb Payson
• Larry and Lin Pardey’s books
• United States Power Squadron
• Seasense Boating School: The Women’s Sailing and Powerboating School
• Learning to Sail Resources (on this website)

Related articles (on this website)

• Getting Started (Admiral’s Angle column #3)
• Why Kim Hess Got her Captain’s License
• Debbie Leisure learns to sail her boat single-handed.
• Peace of Mind—Emergency Skills (Admiral’s Angle column #4)

How did YOU learn your sailing/cruising skills?
Let us know. Email kathy@forcruisers.com or leave a comment below.

This is Part One of three-part series on books aboard.  Part Two will be about Cruising Sagas recommended by the Admirals, and Part Three will include our recommendations for your Reference Shelf.

What’s really great about the way these columns are/will be posted on Women and Cruising is that all the titles are linked directly to Amazon!  Wow, I wish it had been that easy to find these books in the first place!

The Admirals, of course, recommended more books than I could fit into the three columns, so we will add those, too.  If you have some titles you’d like to recommend, send them to us and we’ll add them to the list!

You can email your favorite books to kathy@forcruisers.com or leave a comment below.

Question:

My husband and I are thinking of living aboard a sailboat in four to five years from now. His daughter is grown and just purchased her first home while my daughter is a freshmen in high school.

I suppose it is harder for me to take to the idea of living aboard because I have a really great paying job and I feel I need to help my daughter with college. I am only 39 so leaving my career is harder than I thought it would be. Any advice for me? My husband is 47 and more than ready to leave tomorrow. He is self employed and can build or fix anything so he will not have a problem finding work along the way of our adventure.

I look forward to hearing from you if you have time or advice.

– Judy and John

(Women and Cruising sent Judy’s question to several of our friends/contributors for their thoughts. You can read Beth Leonard ’s response here, and Sherry McCampbell’s here. Here is the third response we received, from Kathleen Watt.)

Kathleen Watt responds:

Dear Judy,

When I was asked if I would be interested in responding to your question, I not only wanted to, but felt compelled to do so.

You see, my story is not unlike yours.

I moved aboard and went cruising at age 38.

I had a daughter who was a sophomore in high school, a great, well paying job, and was about to complete a university degree that I had worked long and hard for, while working full-time for many years.

I was not a boater (I got pretty seasick), I was not a water person (terrified of deep water and not a strong swimmer) and I had never sailed before.

Here’s where things are different.

I was divorced, my daughter lived with me, but spent summers with her dad. I was not married to the man I moved aboard with (although madly in love, we were still dating) and had little savings of my own. I was, and always had been, financially independent. (I had a professional career that earned more than my ex-husband.) The thought of being dependent on ANYONE, including previous spouse, much less boyfriend, was more terrifying to me than deep water…well almost.

But…the love of my life, my then-boyfriend, Brian, always dreamed of doing this sail around the world. He had come out of a nasty divorce, was at a point in his career and finances that he could be away for quite awhile. I knew this was important to him, but I just didn’t think I could go, no matter how much he wanted me to, for all the reasons mentioned above. I told him he would have to go without me. I wouldn’t have asked him to stay because I felt he needed to do it for his own peace of mind.

Then, the strangest thing happened…

…my daughter found a boyfriend in New Orleans during her summer trip to her dad’s. I am from there and still had many family members of both sides living there. She called and asked if I would get upset if she spent the school year with her dad and summers with me, instead of the reverse. Her dad and I were, fortunately, good friends and I had no problem with that, other than missing her, of course. So, here was the big dilemma. My biggest reason for not going with Brian had just made a decision that freed me up to go. Brian had already bought a boat and left for the Caribbean.

I thought long and hard about what my decision should be.

I decided that this relationship was truly something special and I didn’t want to lose it.

School could wait. I supposed I could accept dependence for, at least a while, to try this all out. There would always be a job somewhere if I came back. I got certified in scuba to get over my fear of deep water (it took a year for that to work before my heart stopped trying to leap out of my chest when faced with the jump into the ocean.) I got a good stock of Bonine and learned to sail. This was probably the hardest decision of my life and I count it as one of the most important, as well.

Was it the right one? Let me tell you how the story ends.

We had a glorious 4 and half years of sailing around the world.

We completed our circumnavigation in 1998 after 40,000 miles and 37 countries. We hiked the Inca Trail to Machu Piccu, we climbed the peaks of Bora Bora, we parasailed off a mountain in New Zealand, met black pearl farmers in the Tuamotus, sat with chiefs for dinner in Fiji, and watched game in reserves in South Africa and so much more.

That’s just the land stuff that cruising allowed us to do. We also saw the most incredible sea life in three oceans, we swam with reef sharks and chased grouper in underwater coral caverns, we dove on a wreck in Vanuatu, caught lobster as long as my arm and saw phosphorescence leaving a glorious green light in the water as we sailed on moonless nights and watched a whale give birth in the sea off Madagascar.

I could write a book on the wonders of this lifestyle. The friendships that we developed in anchorages will last a lifetime. But, most importantly, we shared memories that few in this world will ever experience, and we did it together.

Brian and I got married on the deck of our boat in New Zealand two years after sailing together. There could be not tighter bond than the relationship that weathers a cruising lifestyle. It relies on trust, friendship, teamwork, respect and love, to a much higher degree than you ever have ashore. It’s been 15 years now and we are still crazy about each other. I think cruising brought us so much closer than we ever could have believed.

This has been the long answer to your question, but here’s where it gets real.

Six years ago, we decided to head back out, bought a new boat and sailed it back from France.

We were back for two weeks when we got rear-ended in a car accident that tore Brian’s carotid artery and caused a massive stroke. It has been a long road to recovery. Brian, my larger than life, brilliant husband who could do anything, lost the ability to walk, talk, read, speak, or comprehend. It took a long time, but now he can walk with a cane, speak in 3 – 5 word phrases, got most of his comprehension back and can read a bit.

Why am I telling all of this to you…

…what does it have to do with your concerns?

Just this…the one thing that always brings a smile to his face is our reminiscing about cruising and how lucky we were to have done the things we did. If we had waited, if I had given in to my fears, concerns, etc., if we had decided to wait until all things were right, it may not have happened. Our greatest pleasure, our happiest times took place on that boat. We are still madly in love, but incredibly sad.

We lost so much. But, we have so much to be thankful for, as well. Those memories are incredibly precious.

I am thankful every day that we didn’t get caught up in life and lost the opportunity to live the life we have.

We have a pretty good life now, considering…but, our life onboard Renaissance will always bring back the days of happiness, strength, excitement, enchantment and contentment.

So Judy, I hope my tale has given you a different perspective on things.

Don’t lose a chance to incredible experiences for what seems important now…like a great job. Your daughter will move on to college and make her own life.

My daughter LOVES the fact (and still talks about) what neat places and things she got to do on her summers with Mom. Did I miss her…you bet! But, I think she has a better life and a better Mom for it.

What cruising did for me is immeasurable. I am stronger, more confident, and capable than I ever dreamed. When we came back, I took on a new career that was infinitely better than the previous, completed my university degree, and even got a helicopter pilot’s license at age 50.

So, for all those things I gave up to go cruising, I was paid back tenfold in being a better woman, a better Mom, a better wife and a better friend.

Sailing really does bring you back to what’s important. I am not sure how I could have weathered the storm we faced after that accident if I hadn’t been forced to prove myself on the water.

I didn’t mean to write a book to you, but your concern resonated with me so deeply. Good luck with whatever course you choose.

What’s meant to be will be. But, don’t be afraid to take that leap if given the chance. You won’t regret it.

Regards and best wishes to you,

Kathleen Watt

About Ask Your Questions

When we receive a question from Women and Cruising readers, we send it out to women who we think might have relevant experience to share. These women often email the questioner back directly, but if everyone agrees we will also post the questions and answers/responses here in the blog. We may change the name or some details of the question to protect the questioner’s privacy if requested.

Beth Leonard and Sherry McCampbell also responded to Judy’s question. You can read Beth’s response here, and Sherry’s here. We will be posting others responses as we receive them.

If you have thoughts for Judy on her big decision

Email kathy@forcruisers.com or leave a comment below. We will send your response on to Judy, and may post it here on the blog too if you agree.

Do YOU have a question for Women and Cruising?

Email kathy@forcruisers.com or leave a comment below.

Related articles:

• Should I quit my job and go cruising? Beth Leonard responds

• Should I quit my job and go cruising? Sherry McCampbell responds

Cruising provides a perfect pace for getting to know cultures.

You shop in the markets and eat in your own kitchen – or on the streets. This is so much more satisfying than living in hostels and hotels and eating in restaurants – where everything you do is a commercial tourist transaction.

As cruisers, we can hang in a culture a while and get involved. To get to know a place and a culture, it always helps to have a mission, and though I usually have several “missions” (things that I am seeking out or interested in), so often my mission has been to get to know the language.

Really, if you can’t talk with local people then you miss out on so much

It’s like watching a movie with the sound turned off. Or you are relegated to dealing only with the designated cruiser “handlers” – those locals whose job it is to help cruisers get their needs met ashore.

The richness of the culture is captured in its language – when you learn a bit of the local language, you get to be another person for a little while, you get another life. You get a new set of emotions and personal characteristics, because they don’t match English one-to-one. To be “sympa” in French is so much better than just being “nice”. And in Spanish, there are all these nice verbs for doing things in a relaxed, friendly way: paseando (strolling), platicando (chatting) ….

So, because I love becoming part of new cultures, I pay attention to the words that people use in the countries where we cruise. I mimic local speech whenever I can, and write down words and phrases that I hear. But even more effective:

I find myself a local “teacher”.

I ask locals to help me learn the local dialect – and they accept happily, flattered by my interest in their language. Plus I am always willing to return the favor and teach them some English – but only if they want!

My teachers are seldom actual “teachers”. In the French islands of the Caribbean, some of my favorite teachers were women who were from continental France but had paired up with local men, had children and become part of a huge island extended family. They were super because they had a somewhat outsider’s view but were immersed in local culture and traditions. I would ask “Do people here … (whatever)?” and they would answer – “Well, personally I would never because I wasn’t raised that way, but everyone from here does that all the time.” There is nothing more enlightening than hearing people complain about their in-laws.

I always ask my “teachers” about much more than just language – I ask them about the cultural norms: when you greet people and how, all the little courtesies, how you can relate to children, etc, etc. My teachers become my friends. Oh, and my best French pronunciation coach was one teacher’s five-year-old son.

Along the way, I started teaching.

Some cruisers asked me to teach them Spanish in preparation for cruising Venezuela and the Western Caribbean.

I love to teach: before cruising I taught business computing as part of my business. I gave my classes in my students’ cockpits, at picnic tables on the beach, and at local cruiser bar/restaurants. It was the perfect environment for teaching language: I gave homework that required them to get out in the streets and chat up the locals — and then report back on the often humorous interchanges.

My friends were amazed because I could make education-hostile cruisers eagerly stay up late doing the homework I gave them, and I loved the challenge of teaching adults something that could give them such immediate rewards.

So then my students asked me to write a book.

And I began – teaching classes along the way. I developed my course book as I taught, and it provided the basis for what later became my book Spanish for Cruisers.

I loved my “research”. Every place I go, I HAD to seek out locals to fill in the blanks for the local language. I HAD to get to know diesel mechanics from Cuba, Mexico, the Dominican Republic, because I had to find out what words they were using.

I HAD to get to know the people working in the boatyards because I had to figure out what they were calling all the terms that made up boatyard work. If there was an upholsterer in town fixing cruisers’ sails, I had to meet him, because I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to get direct information. I had to find out what terms the dock attendants understood in the marinas – they might not be using “nautical” words at all.

So my research has always given me a reason to get to know people. It made me reach out because I just couldn’t pass up an opportunity that might not happen again. The result (Spanish for Cruisers) was a book that only a cruiser could write!

Years later, when I began writing French For Cruisers, the research got really interesting, because in addition to all the nautical and mechanical topics, it was critical that I cover the phrases that would let cruisers enjoy the food and wine of France and the French islands.

My research was now taking me to markets, to bakeries, to French and French-Creole restaurants. I ate, I drank: Research was tough! And I HAD to cruise the French canals!

So for me, research and fun are closely linked. They keep me curious – and they allow me to have an impact on the cruiser-local interactions. So many cruisers are out there communicating with the locals because my books have given them the tools to do so. Where will this passion take me next? — ¿Quién sabe?

6 Tips to get you talking

1. Speak! The more you speak, the easier it gets. You learn by making mistakes. Don’t wait until you’ve got it right, start talking!

   “Your mission is to amuse the locals with your attempts to speak their language.”

2. Learn the basic greetings and courtesy phrases such as “please, thank you, excuse me, and you’re welcome” and use them every chance you get.  Greet people you pass on the street, and always those you approach in a store or office. Using these greetings and courtesy phrases will help your hosts see you as a courteous person, and will also loosen your tongue, making it easier to get out even the more difficult words.

   Also learn to say: “I am sorry, I don’t speak much Spanish/French.” This wins you points because you are letting people know that you don’t expect them to know English, and you wish you knew their language.

3. Learn the pronunciation rules. Practice pronouncing key words and phrases in your phrase book. The more practice you can get speaking aloud, the easier it gets, and the better you sound! Practice with words that you will actually use.

   Find a local to sit down with you and listen to you pronounce the words in your phrase book. It’s a great way to make a new friend.

4. Cheat! If you don’t know the correct word, try the English word with Spanish/French pronunciation. (This is an excellent reason to learn pronunciation.)

   When you are shopping and don’t know the word for what you want: pronounce a common brand name with a Spanish/French accent.

5. Develop your own little speech describing yourself, your family, your voyages, and whatever you’d like to share with people, using the sentences in this chapter as a base. Then start practicing it on the people you meet in markets, restaurants, the marina office, etc. Embellish it with additional details as you become more comfortable.

   This technique helped me learn to converse when I first arrived in Nicaragua in the Peace Corps. People love the opportunity to get to know you!

6. Take a class. If you can find a class in port, sign up for it. And/or find a local tutor to work with you during your stay.

   Combine inland travel with a week long language course. You often have the option of housing with a local family for even more practice. Certain towns are known for their language schools (eg Antigua, Guatemala; Merida, Venezuela).

About Kathy Parsons

Kathy Parsons is author of the books, Spanish for Cruisers and French For Cruisers, popular language guides for boaters.

Together with friends Pam Wall, Gwen Hamlin and Beth Leonard, Kathy conducts “Women and Cruising” seminars at boat shows, answering questions that women have about the cruising life. She is the founder of this website, Women and Cruising, which provides advice, inspiration and resources for women cruisers.

Kathy Parsons has spent much of the last twenty years living aboard and sailing the US, Bahamas, Caribbean and Central America. Along the way, she has pursued a number of passions: diving, hiking, and inland travel, and learning and teaching foreign languages.

Before cruising (BC) Kathy Parsons worked as a social worker, Peace Corps volunteer in Nicaragua, researcher, computer consultant and corporate trainer, more or less in that order.

At age 35, she closed the business, rented the Maine house, and sailed south for the Bahamas with her husband. Finally she found something she could stick to: cruising on a sailboat.

More info

Kathy Parsons’ Language Guides for Boaters:

• Spanish for Cruisers (2nd edition)
• French For Cruisers

Related articles:

• Language for cruisers (Admiral’s Angle column #36)
• Taking Passions Cruising (Admiral’s Angle column #41)
• What Kathy Parsons likes most about cruising
• Kathy Parsons’ advice on setting up your galley and cooking onboard

What’s your passion? Have you taken it cruising?

Let us know. Email kathy@forcruisers.com or leave a comment below.

Question:

My husband and I are thinking of living aboard a sailboat in four to five years from now. His daughter is grown and just purchased her first home while my daughter is a freshmen in high school.

I suppose it is harder for me to take to the idea of living aboard because I have a really great paying job and I feel I need to help my daughter with college. I am only 39 so leaving my career is harder than I thought it would be. Any advice for me? My husband is 47 and more than ready to leave tomorrow. He is self employed and can build or fix anything so he will not have a problem finding work along the way of our adventure.

I look forward to hearing from you if you have time or advice.

– Judy and John

(Women and Cruising sent Judy’s question to several of our friends/contributors for their thoughts. Beth Leonard was the first to respond. Here is the second response we received, from Sherry McCampbell.)

Sherry McCampbell responds:

Hi Judy,

You don’t say what your job is… but I guess it doesn’t matter that much in the grand scheme of things.

To just give you my story… the first time I went cruising, I left at age 37. I gave up a job I really loved (computer programming) and went sailing.

We took along our 5 year old daughter (the only kid I know who ‘withdrew’ from 1st grade) The original idea was to go for a year, but we were having so much fun that our trip through the Caribbean lasted for 4 years.

After that trip, we went back to the real world… put my daughter in 6th grade, and I went back to work. After 4 years of cruising, my technical skills were a little stale. So, to get a job quickly, I offered myself at ‘entry level’ wages. I was snapped up within a week, at a job that was WAY BETTER than what I left (satisfaction-wise). I worked for a year at my cheapo wages, and then easily negotiated (based on the fact that I was now fully up to date on technology, a hard worker, and very competent, etc) full wages as if I’d never left my original job.

I worked for another 9 years at that same company, and then took off again.

My years of cruising actually added to (a) my job ability and (b) my job satisfaction. I was there because I WANTED to be. It makes a huge difference.

Bottom line is… life AIN’T about work. Even if you love it, they take advantage of you, and in the end, it isn’t worth what you give up.

Whatever it is you love to do outside of work is better done while you are young. Believe me, as I watch my body fall apart at 50+, and in spite of what I’ve ALREADY done, I wish I’d started earlier.

There’s always the compromise solution… take a sabbatical and go with the idea that you ‘promise’ to come back. But to really experience sailing, this has to be at least 3 month–6 months or a year is better.

If your bliss ISN’T sailing, then skip sailing and go do whatever else (besides work) that your bliss IS before you’re too old to enjoy it. (But giving sailing/cruising a shot, first) You can always work later, or wait til your 70, and done with cruising, and work at Walmart, I can’t emphasize enough that life isn’t about work, and there are so many other alternatives… even doing the work you love… while you are sailing.

Or before or after.

Believe me, this is the best advice on life you’ll ever get.

Good luck!

Sherry
s/v Soggy Paws

About Sherry (Beckett) McCampbell

Sherry has been in, under, and around the water since she learned to swim at 3 years old.  Summers as a kid were spent camping, waterskiing, canoeing, and kayaking.

Sherry started sailing on her Dad’s 41′ Trimaran, Rivka, in high school.  By the time she acquired her own boat in her late-20’s, Sherry had already been several times to the Bahamas and once around the Caribbean.

For 15 years, Sherry worked 60-70 hour weeks as a computer programmer, got married and had a daughter.  It was a fun time, but by 1992, career burn-out was looming.

In 1993, Sherry and her (now ex) husband set out on their 37′ Prout Catamaran, Island Time, for a 4 year liveaboard adventure, with 5 year old daughter Nicki, a cat named Annabelle, and Tramp the Wonder Dog.  Their travels took them first to Maine, and then south through the Bahamas and into the Caribbean.

Once back in the States,  Sherry bought and restored a Lindenberg 28, a go-fast race boat, and then REALLY learned how to sail.  She raced for 5 years in the Melbourne Florida area in her L28 named Fast Lane.

After working full time as a computer programmer/manager for nearly 10 years, Sherry retired again in 2007 to accompany Dave as co-captain on their around the world cruise.

Sherry maintains an extensive website and blog covering their travels aboard Soggy Paws, plus a wealth of cruising information.

About Ask Your Questions:

When we receive a question from Women and Cruising readers, we send it out to women who we think might have relevant experience to share. These women often email the questioner back directly, but if everyone agrees we will also post the questions and answers/responses here in the blog. We may change the name or some details of the question to protect the questioner’s privacy if requested.

Beth Leonard and Kathleen Watt also responded to Judy’s question. You can read Beth’s response here. We will be posting Kathleen’s response shortly – and others as we receive them.

If you have thoughts for Judy on her big decision

Email kathy@forcruisers.com or leave a comment below. We will send your response on to Judy, and may post it here on the blog too if you agree.

Do YOU have a question for Women and Cruising?

Email kathy@forcruisers.com or leave a comment below.

Related articles:

• Should I quit my job and go cruising? Beth Leonard responds
• Should I quit my job and go cruising? Kathleen Watt responds

My world has changed!

After 9 years of cruising the Caribbean I am no longer pleading with visiting family and friends to forsake extra shoes, hats and toiletries so that they can pack and carry the most recent best sellers in their one precious piece of luggage now allowed by many airlines.

I no longer search the book exchanges for a book by any author, in English, that I have yet to read. Book exchanges were initially a source of pleasure and out of desperation we were introduced to authors that we probably would not have experienced other than there were no other books available. Some of these same authors have become our favourites.

The world changing event for me happened after a trip home.  With my bags packed two days before our departure to return back to the boat, I realized that my bags were overflowing and overweight and I had yet to pack one book.

My reader can hold about 160 Ebooks in memory

I made an instant decision to investigate and purchase an Ebook Reader.  I didn’t want a super deluxe version just one that would provide me with the ability to obtain and carry books that I would like to read without taking up precious space in my luggage.

The reader I chose can hold about 160 Ebooks in memory and has a slot available for an SD card in case 160 books are not enough. It is a paper-like background which allows me to read even in bright sunlight.

One of my favourite features of the reader is that I can choose the font size which is a wonderful bonus as my eyesight seems to have deteriorated over the years.

The best thing is that even with a very poor or weak WiFi connection I am able to download new books in less than 30 seconds. The Ebooks are a fraction of the price of paperback books and new releases are available at the same time or even earlier then in stores.

Since I bought my Ebook reader my husband and daughter have both purchased their own. The initial outlay is not insignificant but over time I think the Ebook Readers will pay for themselves by the reduced cost of the Ebooks .  I usually carry mine in my purse and so far the only disadvantage I have observed is that I am turning into a book worm.

Rick and I chose the Sony PRS-505 model

Rick and I chose the Sony PRS-505 model (now discontinued) and my daughter chose the fancier PRS 600 “Touch Edition”.  The Sony reader requires a computer to download the books and works with an iTunes Store-like interface.  They support multiple file formats including Adobe PDF’s, ePub, blogs, RSS newsfeeds, JEPG’s, and Sony’s proprietary BBeB (“BroadBand eBook”).

In addition to the new releases and best sellers, it’s easy to find many free books available on Sony’s Ebook store, as well as at public libraries and on other websites.

There are a number of competitors and even more emerging with different features.  So while we are very happy with our choices, it’s worth investigating before joining us as ‘Ebook worms’.

About Carolyn O’Brien

Carolyn and Rick O’Brien have cruised aboard their Bayfield 36 sailboat, Wind-Borne III, since leaving Toronto in 2001. They have travelled down the east coast of the United States, the Bahamas, Eastern Caribbean, Venezuela and the ABC Islands.

Although they still venture up and down the island chain, they now refer to Carriacou, Grenada, as their home away from home.

You can read more about their travels on Wind-Borne III’s website, www.Wind-Borne.com

More info

• Sony Ebook Readers
• Amazon Kindle Wireless Reading Device
• Barnes & Noble Nook Ebook Reader

Related articles (on this website)

• 3 tips for flying back and forth from the boat
• My Bookshelf, A Mental Voyage – Part 1 (Admiral’s Angle column #42)
• Taking Passions Cruising (Admiral’s Angle column #41)

Do you have an eReader on board?
We would like to hear your opinion! Share your own advice in the comments below or email us: kathy@forcruisers.com

OceansWatch is helping to coordinate a fleet of sailing vessels to take food, medical aid, relief supplies and support to Haiti. A growing number of sailboats in Florida and Jamaica are preparing to depart in February for Haiti. They will take as many supplies as they can carry and get to them before they depart. Others will follow when the situation and security stabilizes somewhat and others are making plans for longer term sustainable aid delivered by yachts.

OceansWatch North America is working to help coordinate members, boats, donations, materials, supplies and crew preparing to shove off and deliver aid.

The 74’ Schooner WOLF (www.schoonerwolf.com) an experienced veteran at providing aid relief based in Key West, can carry 20 tons of cargo and is bound for Haiti on February 8th along with other vessels in a flotilla carrying aid supplies and volunteers.

OceansWatch member vessel 56’ TRANQUILITY is collecting food, supplies and donations to purchase more to deliver to Haiti in the next few weeks, also departing around February 8.

In Jamaica, the 52’ Ketch KARAKA is organizing a flotilla of aid vessels. They were in Ile a Vache, Haiti when the earthquake stuck and retreated to Jamaica for safety due to hoards of refugees, and also so they could stock up on supplies for a return voyage with other boats.

If you would like to support these efforts, you may make tax-deductible donations to OceansWatch and 100% of funds donated will go directly to purchase aid supplies to be delivered by yachts heading for Haiti to deliver aid.

Please use the Donation page at Oceans Watch and the link to donate from your Paypal account or by credit card. Cash and check donations can be mailed to Haiti Relief, OceansWatch North America, P. O. Box 616, Norwalk, CT 06856 USA. Please make any checks payable to OceansWatch and put Haiti Relief on the Expense/For line.

Press Release from the Conch Republic Navy:

Conch Republic Navy’s Flagship Schooner WOLF Announces Haiti Mission of Mercy Flotilla

January 21, 2010

The Conch Republic Navy is organizing a relief mission to help the victims of January’s catastrophic earthquake in Haiti. Led by the Conch Republic’s Flagship Schooner Wolf, the flotilla includes sloops, catamarans and schooners, all with volunteer crews, and hopes to carry 20 tons of relief supplies. The flotilla is planning to depart the Key West Bight in historic Old Town Key West on February 9^th, laden with a bounty of donated supplies, medicine, and tools donated by Keys residents and businesses. The flotilla vessel’s shall drafts will allow them to reach this coastal village inaccessible by larger relief ships.

“The idea is to make a direct and substantive impact in one cut off area. We want to share the compassion and aid of our island community with another island community,” stated Mary Martin who is heading up communication and general coordination of the efforts.

The Schooner Wolf, with Admiral Finbar Gittelman at the helm, is no stranger to such relief efforts. Over the years, he has taken donated relief supplies to Port Antonio, Jamaica after Hurricane Gilbert (1987), Guanaja, Honduras after Hurricane Mitch (1998), Hope Town, Abaco Bahamas after Hurricane Floyd (2004) and to West End, Grand Bahama after Hurricane Ivan (2005.) In 1998, the Wolf transported members of the Interfaith Pilgrimage of the Middle Passage to Cuba on their journey of retracing that ancient route of slavery.

Money and supply collections are underway. Donation boxes have been set up at Florida Keys Community College, Albertson’s, and Fausto’s locations. Other businesses are collecting items for the efforts include Mel Fishers, Home Depot, Mos, Ocean Key Resort, Blue Heaven, and Salute. The list grows daily. Collected items can be brought to the storage container on Lazy Way Lane across from Schooner Wharf Bar from 9:00a.m.-7:00p.m., where they will be sorted, tagged, bagged and weighed.

The Conch Republic Navy is asking for the following items: water, dry beans, rice, powdered milk, basic medical supplies, and small hand tools. Currently we are in desperate need of basic medical supplies. Water, in particular, is a critical need. Water Water at 5179 US 1 on Stock Island is matching dollar for dollar contributions for water. A $12 donation will purchase a 5 gallon jug of water. The jugs will be left behind for reuse. You may also bring in old 5 gallon jugs and Ken will clean and sterilize them for use.

For those wishing to help the Conch Republic Navy (CRN) and the flagship, Schooner Wolf but are unable to provide hard goods due to time or distance a relief account has been set up at the Key West Bank, 701 Whitehead Street. Checks can be made out to: CRN – Haitian Relief. Money donated will be used to purchase additional supplies locally to fill any gaps in any of the categories of things needed and will be taken directly to Haiti.

Contributions will be gratefully accepted and collected through February 6^th. The hulls will be loaded on February 7^th and 8th on the city dock of the Key West bight behind Schooner Wharf Bar. Expected departure of the fleet will be February 9^th.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE CONTACTS:

Julie McEnroe, Schooner WOLF
January 21, 2010 PHONE: 305-296-9694
Email: SailAway@SchoonerWOLF.com

OR

Mary Martin, Florida Keys Community College
PHONE: (c)305-304-1754. (w)305-809-3230
Email: Mary.Martin@FKCC.edu

More info:

• Visit OceansWatch North America website: www.oceanswatch.org
• Visit Schooner Wolf website: www.schoonerwolf.com
• Link to the Pimsleur Creole language download, temporarily available for free download to aid Haitian relief workers: http://promo.simonandschuster.com/HaitiRelief/
• Visit Red Cross website

Related articles

• Cruisers Give Back (Admiral’s Angle column #26)