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	<title>Blog &#187; Michelle Elvy</title>
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	<link>http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog</link>
	<description>Women cruisers share their experiences, info and news</description>
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		<title>International Women&#8217;s Day then and now: Women Rocking the World in Their Own Way</title>
		<link>http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/2010/03/international-womens-day-then-and-now/</link>
		<comments>http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/2010/03/international-womens-day-then-and-now/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 12 Mar 2010 17:20:40 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Michelle Elvy]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[People Who've Inspired Us]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/?p=2170</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<p></p>
<p>This week I’m thinking of all the women in my life, because March 8 was, after all, International Women&#8217;s Day and this is, by extension, International Women&#8217;s Month.</p>
<p>The idea itself dates back to 1910. Its historical roots lay in the socialist movement of the late 19th century, and the international celebration of women was first ...<a href="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/2010/03/international-womens-day-then-and-now/"><strong>Read more</strong></a>]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img style="display: inline; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; border-width: 0px;" title="Shelly can scurry up the mast of her custom built cat faster than you can say Ebeneezer (the name of her boat)" src="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/Elvy-Shelly-Going-Up.jpg" border="0" alt="Shelly can scurry up the mast of her custom built cat faster than you can say Ebeneezer (the name of her boat)" width="250" height="375" align="right" /></p>
<p>This week I’m thinking of all the women in my life, because March 8 was, after all, International Women&#8217;s Day and this is, by extension, International Women&#8217;s Month.</p>
<p>The idea itself dates back to 1910. Its historical roots lay in the socialist movement of the late 19th century, and the international celebration of women was first put forth by German Socialist Clara Zetkin, a fervent fighter for workers&#8217; and women&#8217;s rights in late 19th and early 20th century Europe. <em>(More on Clara Zetkin below)</em></p>
<p>But this is not about German politics or history or revolution. This is about how, from all the chaos of the early 20th century, a legacy was born. And so, I suggest, even if you don&#8217;t agree with the politics of Clara Zetkin, you might agree that she was remarkable for her time.</p>
<p>And certainly you’d agree that the women who surround you today are remarkable, too.</p>
<p>Which leads me to reflect on women who have put meaning into my life.<br />
They are not necessarily rebelling in the streets or founding political parties. But they are doing things that are nonetheless worth mentioning here.<span id="more-2170"></span></p>
<h5>Dale</h5>
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<td valign="top"><img style="display: inline; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; border-width: 0px;" title="Dale Norley Uchin, better known as Captain Dale" src="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/Elvy-Captain-Dale.jpg" border="0" alt="Dale Norley Uchin, better known as Captain Dale" width="300" height="226" align="right" /></td>
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<td class="caption" style="text-align: center;" valign="top">Dale Norley Uchin, better known as Captain Dale</td>
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<p>I first met Dale in Redondo Beach, California, in the same harbor where we fell in love with <span class="boat_name">Momo</span>.</p>
<p>At the time she lived down the dock aboard her Hardin Voyager 44, <span class="boat_name">Estimated Prophet</span>, with her dog Tonka. She was the fittest single mother and grandma I had ever met, a woman with her 100 ton Coast Guard captain&#8217;s license who supported herself as a delivery skipper and teller of sailing yarns.</p>
<p>We only knew each other a couple months as we outfitted <span class="boat_name">Momo</span> for offshore adventures, but it was the kind of friendship that grows out of mutual admiration and respect, and a lot of belly laughs. Dale was the last person we saw when we sailed out of that harbor forever: she stood on the pier with Tonka, waving energetically with her hearty smile.</p>
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<td valign="top"><img style="display: inline; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; border-width: 0px;" title="Dale" src="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/Elvy-Dale-Horse.jpg" border="0" alt="Dale" width="207" height="250" align="right" /></td>
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<td class="caption" style="text-align: center;" valign="top">Dale and Lief</td>
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<p>Since then, Dale has sold her boat, moved back east, launched a yacht delivery business, fallen in love, bought a farm and several horses, and joined her husband in his jewelry design business.</p>
<p>On any given day you might find her driving a cat between South America and California, picking menacing icicles from the rigging of another boat on a wintry east coast delivery, head-down in an engine compartment of yet another vessel, galloping through the hilly Pennsylvania countryside atop her horse Leif, baking cookies with her equally energetic grandkids, or choosing stones for the next line-up of designs at Purple Gem Jewelry.</p>
<p>She is a force to be reckoned with, Dale is, and I can only say how glad I am that <span class="boat_name">Momo</span> was situated on that particular dock when we flew to Los Angeles to check her out that November day.</p>
<h5>Laura</h5>
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<td valign="top"><img style="display: inline; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; border-width: 0px;" title="No girl woops a wahoo like Laura" src="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/Elvy-Laura-Frazee.jpg" border="0" alt="No girl woops a wahoo like Laura" width="250" height="334" align="right" /></td>
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<td class="caption" style="text-align: center;" valign="top">No girl woops a wahoo like Laura</td>
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<p>Laura meanwhile is happily ensconced in life in Carlsbad, California, juggling her time between her job as contracting agent, soccer, softball, mother of two, and her expectations as a soon-to-be mother of three.</p>
<p>When we first became friends she spent her days as an angler, diver, and sailor. She and her husband took off sailing in 2004 and did a two-year Pacific loop which took them through Mexico, French Polynesia, Niue, Tonga and New Zealand. She was not a sailor to begin with, however, but an avid diver.</p>
<p>That passion was ignited when, at sixteen, she took a course which involved walking into the tempestuous surf off a San Diego beach fully loaded down with gear &#8211; a day she remembers well since it was predicted by the older, stronger men in the course that this thin-framed blonde would never make it. She, of course, made it all the way, while the tough guys rocked and dropped in the surf around her one by one.</p>
<p>Laura shares her fondness for diving with her husband, and so they decided to sail the Pacific in search of some of the world’s greatest dive spots.</p>
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<td valign="top"><img style="display: inline; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; border-width: 0px;" title="Gunner Too underway off mainland Mexico" src="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/Elvy-Gunner-Too.jpg" border="0" alt="Gunner Too underway off mainland Mexico" width="250" height="175" align="right" /></td>
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<td class="caption" style="text-align: center;" valign="top">GUNNER TOO underway off mainland Mexico</td>
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<p>Somewhere between re-rigging, painting, canvaswork, provisioning and in all other ways outfitting their Fantasia 35, <span class="boat_name">Gunner Too</span>, Laura learned how to sail &#8211; and sail well. Along the way they met us, and, over several months’ worth of meals and adventures and animated conversation, a permanent friendship formed.</p>
<p>Laura’s eyes light up when you ask her about fishing with her dad. And don’t get her started on lures. “<em>Originally I had a mackerel lure with a wire leader on the line which was hit &#8212; but that fish got away</em>” she recalls when I ask her about one particularly large wahoo she caught in the Marquesas while her husband was rigging the anchor to the bow in anticipation of landfall after a twenty-eight day passage. “<em>Right afterwards, I tied a black rapala on the line, and that is what this wahoo was caught with &#8212; we had to turn back out to sea in order to give us time to land the monster before we reached the harbor</em>.”  No girl woops a wahoo like Laura.</p>
<p>But she’s not just a fisher and diver. She can bleed an engine and serve up mouth-watering sushi all in an afternoon. Not to mention change the oil, take apart a winch, reef down sails, and manhandle any fish who happens to take an interest in her carefully chosen lure.</p>
<h5>Julia</h5>
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<td valign="top"><img style="display: inline; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; border-width: 0px;" title="Julia Taylor" src="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/Elvy-Julia.jpg" border="0" alt="Julia Taylor" width="176" height="250" align="right" /></td>
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<td class="caption" style="text-align: center;" valign="top">Julia Taylor</td>
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<p>And then there’s Julia, whom you’ll find these days in Aden. She’s in the second half of her circumnavigation aboard her wooden boat, <span class="boat_name">Macy</span>.</p>
<p>She built the boat herself in her home town of Jamestown, Rhode Island, after finding the new wood bare hull. It took nine years from the purchase of the hull to the launch. Julia knew since she was a young kid that she wanted to build her own wooden boat.</p>
<p>And when she was ready to build it &#8211; after years of working as crew and mate on schooners, skippering a 40-ton schooner one summer while in college, earning her 100 ton auxiliary sail Coast Guard license when she was 26, working as steward of a yacht club for nine years, and acquiring skills needed to build a boat by working as a finish carpenter over many years &#8211; she did.</p>
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<td valign="top"><img style="display: inline; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; border-width: 0px;" title="MACY in New Zealand" src="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/Elvy-Macy.jpg" border="0" alt="MACY in New Zealand" width="250" height="155" align="right" /></td>
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<td class="caption" style="text-align: center;" valign="top">MACY in New Zealand</td>
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<p>&#8220;I knew I wanted a traditional looking boat made of wood,&#8221; she says, and adds with her characteristic humor, “<em>What is more romantic and impractical than that?</em>” But she is a generous soul, my Julia, and she gives credit all around: “<em>The realization of this dream required a divorce, or independence, and the …kind support of my brother</em>”</p>
<p>In addition, half way through the project a man name Dave wandered into Julia’s life. Dave just happens to own a Rhode Island lumber yard; he soon fell in love with the boat project and became Julia’s friend and partner. He’s still with Julia and the boat, too, sailing toward Masawa Eretria and on the lookout for pirates even as I write.</p>
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<td valign="top"><img style="display: inline; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; border-width: 0px;" title="Macy, the guiding light, hangs on the cabin wall aboard Macy" src="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/Elvy-Macy-guiding-light.jpg" border="0" alt="Macy, the guiding light, hangs on the cabin wall aboard Macy" width="208" height="250" align="right" /></td>
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<td class="caption" style="text-align: center;" valign="top">Macy, the guiding light, hangs on the cabin wall aboard Macy</td>
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<p>And while her brother provided occasional hands-on help and financial support of the project, a man named Macy was the inspiration.</p>
<p>An old friend and experienced woodworker, Macy was “<em>the guiding light who gave direction during the overwhelming task of decision making…, especially early on.</em>&#8221; Macy died of cancer before the project was completed, but &#8220;<em>he died knowing that he had passed the torch and we would complete the job</em>” says Julia fondly.</p>
<p>And now Macy&#8217;s namesake is tens of thousands of miles from his resting place, slowly making its way home.</p>
<h5>Of course, once you start thinking about all the amazing women you know, you can’t stop.</h5>
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<td valign="top"><img style="display: inline; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; border-width: 0px;" title="Adventurous Kate" src="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/Elvy-Kate.jpg" border="0" alt="Adventurous Kate" width="250" height="188" align="right" /></td>
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<td class="caption" style="text-align: center;" valign="top">Adventurous Kate</td>
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<p>There&#8217;s Shelly, who can scurry up the mast of her custom built cat faster than you can say <span class="boat_name">Ebeneezer</span> (the name of her boat).</p>
<p>There&#8217;s Jan, who got her Captain&#8217;s ticket back in 2002 along with her husband Rich so they could start out on equal footing, who has sailed since then up and down both North American coasts, through the Panama Canal, all around the Caribbean.</p>
<p>There&#8217;s Lisa, who learned to sail so she could take her two kids on a Pacific circumnavigation before they grew up too much.</p>
<p>There&#8217;s fearless Aaran, calm Nelia, curious Kate, adventurous Angie. You know them all in one way or another, and more. We all do.</p>
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<td valign="top"><img style="display: inline; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; border-width: 0px;" title="Lola and Jana setting off to school in Whangarei, NZ" src="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/Elvy-school.jpg" border="0" alt="Lola and Jana setting off to school in Whangarei, NZ" width="300" height="216" align="right" /></td>
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<td class="caption" style="text-align: center;" valign="top">Lola and Jana setting off to school in Whangarei, NZ</td>
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<p>There are many, many other women I’d love to mention here, in fact &#8211; sailors, teachers, artists, writers, divers, doctors, dentists, psychologists, computer scientists, musicians, engineers, mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, lovers, friends, captains, admirals, mates, crew &#8211; but this post has to stop somewhere, and I must send my daughters off to school now, so that they too might grow and impact the world, in their own fabulous way.</p>
<blockquote>
<h4>Who is Clara Zetkin?</h4>
<p><img style="display: inline; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; border-width: 0px;" title="Zetkin-Luxemburg" src="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/Zetkin_luxemburg1910.jpg" border="0" alt="Zetkin-Luxemburg" width="150" height="212" align="right" />Clara Zetkin started out as a member of the Socialist Democratic Party in Germany (the SPD &#8211; which is, incidentally, the oldest political party in Germany and still one of the major parties today, having governed most recently in a grand coalition with the Christian Democratic Union and the Christian Social Union, the CDU/CSU, until late 2009).</p>
<p>But she took her fight to the streets early on, even joined the more radical German Communist Party in the wake of the Russian Revolution of 1917 and the German Revolution of 1918. Unlike her contemporaries such as Karl Liebknecht and Rosa Luxemburg, whose fate came in the form of a bullet, Zetkin managed to keep her head and work within the framework of the German parliament, the Reichstag, most of her life.</p>
<p>Her last act as political activist was to fight against National Socialism; she was forced into exile in 1933 when Hitler assumed power, and died later that year in Russia at the age of 76.</p></blockquote>
<hr size="1" />
<h5><a href="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/MichelleElvy.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px 10px 0px 0px; display: inline; border-width: 0px;" title="Michelle Elvy" src="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/MichelleElvy_thumb.jpg" border="0" alt="Michelle Elvy" width="164" height="173" align="left" /></a> About Michelle Elvy</h5>
<p><em>Michelle Elvy is an independent writer, living on a sailboat with her husband and two daughters for the last eight years. </em></p>
<p><em>Their travels began between the Chesapeake Bay and New England, and the last six years have taken them across the Pacific, from California to Hawaii, British Columbia to Alaska, Mexico to New Zealand. </em></p>
<p><em><a href="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/MomoinNZ.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px 10px 0px 0px; display: inline;" src="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/MomoinNZ_thumb.jpg" border="0" alt="Momo in New Zealand" width="164" height="128" align="left" /></a>Michelle&#8217;s professional lives have included teacher, historian, translator, editor, and chief wrangler at a software consulting company. She has written stories about children, food, faraway places, motorcycling, dreaming big, and the kindness of strangers. </em></p>
<p><em>She currently lives aboard <span class="boat_name">Momo</span> with her family in New Zealand. </em></p>
<p><em>You can read more at </em><a href="http://svmomo.blogspot.com/"><em>svmomo.blogspot.com</em></a><em> and you can follow Michelle&#8217;s musings and publications at </em><a href="http://michelleelvy.wordpress.com"><em>michelleelvy.wordpress.com</em></a><em>.</em></p>
<hr size="1" />
<h6>More info</h6>
<ul>
<li class="note"><a href="http://www.internationalwomensday.com/" target="_blank">International Women&#8217;s Day</a></li>
<li class="note"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clara_Zetkin" target="_blank">Clara Zetkin</a></li>
<li class="note"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosa_Luxemburg" target="_blank">Rosa Luxemburg</a></li>
<li><span class="note"><a href="http://captaindale.wordpress.com" target="_blank">Captain Dale&#8217;s blog</a></span></li>
</ul>
<h6>Related articles (on this website)</h6>
<ul>
<li class="note"><a href="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/2010/03/gwen-hamlin-scuba-diving-passion/" target="_blank">Gwen took her SCUBA passion cruising </a></li>
<li class="note"><a href="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/2010/02/shipboard-democracy-and-chain-of-command/" target="_blank">Shipboard Democracy and Chain of Command</a>, by Michelle Elvy</li>
</ul>
<hr size="1" />
<blockquote><p><strong>Who has inspired YOU? </strong></p>
<p>Let us know. Email <a href="mailto:kathy@forcruisers.com">kathy@forcruisers.com</a> or leave a comment below.</p></blockquote>
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		<title>Shipboard democracy and chain of command</title>
		<link>http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/2010/02/shipboard-democracy-and-chain-of-command/</link>
		<comments>http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/2010/02/shipboard-democracy-and-chain-of-command/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 27 Feb 2010 17:48:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Michelle Elvy]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Relationships & Roles Aboard]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/2010/02/shipboard-democracy-and-chain-of-command-michelle-elvy/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[“Are we gonna make it?” (me)
— “Yeah, we'll make it.”  (him)
— “I don't know...”  (me)
— “We'll make it; sheet in the main!”  (him)

60 SECONDS ...<a href="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/2010/02/shipboard-democracy-and-chain-of-command/"><strong>Read more</strong></a>]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<h5><a href="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/TheMomoCrewBernieMichelleLolaJana1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px 0px 0px 10px; display: inline; border: 0px;" title="The Momo Crew, Bernie, Michelle, Lola, Jana" src="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/TheMomoCrewBernieMichelleLolaJana1.jpg" border="0" alt="The Momo Crew: Bernie, Michelle, Lola, Jana" width="244" height="236" align="right" /></a> “Are we gonna make it?” (me)</h5>
<p>— <em>“Yeah, we&#8217;ll make it.”  (him)</em><br />
— “I don&#8217;t know&#8230;”  (me)<br />
— <em>“We&#8217;ll make it; sheet in the main!”  (him)</em></p>
<p><span class="font10"><em>60 SECONDS LATER&#8230;</em></span></p>
<p>— “We&#8217;re not gonna make it.” (me)<br />
— <em>“We should tack.” (him)</em><br />
— “Yeah, we should. We&#8217;re not gonna clear that boat.” (me)<br />
— <em>“Wait: I think we&#8217;re clearing it. Let&#8217;s wait a bit more.” (him)</em></p>
<p><em><span class="font10">ANOTHER 30 SECONDS LATER&#8230;</span></em></p>
<p>— <em>&#8220;OK, let&#8217;s tack away from that boat.&#8221; (him)</em><br />
— “No, it&#8217;s too late now. Let&#8217;s fall off and jibe around.&#8221; (me)<br />
— <em>“OK, you&#8217;re right. You do the jib sheets; I&#8217;ll get the main.&#8221; (him)</em><br />
— “Yeah; let&#8217;s go. Now!&#8221; (me)</p>
<h5>These decisions happen fast on board our boat MOMO&#8230;</h5>
<p>&#8230;and my husband and I usually reach a conclusion much like we did that day, when we were departing Banderas Bay in Mexico, bound for the Marquesas.<br />
<span id="more-1900"></span><br />
We sailed off our anchor because the wind was just right and because, though we’re not superstitious about bananas and girls on board, we adhere religiously to our own peculiar belief in beginning any long passage under sailpower alone.</p>
<p>We kept a close eye on the nearest boat ahead of us, separately and then together assessing whether we’d sail clear of it.</p>
<p><a href="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/MichelleunderwayNZtoFiji.jpg"><img style="display: inline; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; border-width: 0px;" title="Michelle underway NZ to Fiji" src="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/MichelleunderwayNZtoFiji-300x200.jpg" border="0" alt="Michelle underway NZ to Fiji" width="244" height="167" align="right" /></a></p>
<h5>We don’t always reach the same conclusion at the same time, but one way or another, we arrive at what’s needed.</h5>
<p>The dialogue is typical; the banter is our MO. In our familiar rapid-fire way, we talked ourselves through the situation:<em> Tack or not? Will we clear the boat? Yes? No? OK, then: let’s jibe and get the hell out of here!</em></p>
<p>A moment after that exchange, we let out our sails and fell off downwind into a larger space in which to jibe around. Bernie pulled in the main and released it as the boom crossed the cockpit, I brought the forward sails over to port, and we gracefully completed our jibe and headed into clear water.</p>
<p>We had taken the better, safer route out of the anchorage, falling off the wind and going astern of the twenty some boats anchored off the town of La Cruz, rather than tacking into the wind and weaving our way through the anchored boats ahead.</p>
<p>Either route would have worked (we are not hot-doggers; the question of how much space to put between ourselves and the boat directly in front of us was more a matter of degrees and comfort zone than real danger).</p>
<p>But this is a story about decision-making and not exit strategies.</p>
<h5>Most people will tell you that consensus doesn’t work on a sailing vessel. And they might be right.</h5>
<p>But I mean to tell you that you just have to do what works for <em>you</em>.</p>
<p>In our case, it’s talking through our strategy, getting on the same page, and then executing the plan, <em>together</em>. There&#8217;s a rhythm to it, sometimes a rumble, but, in the end, a good result.</p>
<h5>Of course, it would be a lot easier if we’d just follow traditional rules about who’s the boss.</h5>
<table class="pic-right" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" width="197">
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<td class="caption" style="text-align: center;" valign="top"><a href="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/captaincook2.jpg"><img style="display: inline; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; border-width: 0px;" title="Captain Cook" src="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/captaincook2-237x300.jpg" border="0" alt="Captain Cook" width="197" height="244" align="right" /></a></td>
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<td class="caption" style="text-align: center;" valign="top">Captain Cook</td>
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<p>On most sailboats, the roles of Captain and First Mate are firmly established, almost always along traditional gendered lines (though we know of a few boats where the roles are reversed).</p>
<p>On those vessels, this kind of discussion about departure strategy would not take place.</p>
<p>There&#8217;s comfort in that, to be sure: one strong voice of authority reduces any chance of misunderstandings, announces quick decisions, and ensures that directions are followed efficiently. <em>Starboard tack? OK! Bring in the sails? Ay-ay, Cap’n!</em></p>
<p>No one says, “<em>Do you really think so?</em>” or “<em>Well, I was rather thinking that another strategy might be altogether more effective.</em>”</p>
<p>I see the logic in establishing firm lines of command. Some of the best captains of ships have historically been some of the strictest too. Not one crew member would describe Captain James Cook as touchy-feely, yet he certainly qualifies as one of the greatest sea captains ever.</p>
<h5>Still, it comes down to personal style, and what works best on each particular ship.</h5>
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<td class="caption" style="text-align: center;" valign="top"><a href="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/JanahelminginTonga.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; display: inline; border-width: 0px;" title="Jana helming in Tonga" src="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/JanahelminginTonga_thumb.jpg" border="0" alt="Jana helming in Tonga" width="244" height="233" align="right" /></a></td>
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<td class="caption" style="text-align: center;" valign="top">Jana helming in Tonga</td>
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<p>Bernie and I are not out discovering islands or naming continents; nor are we managing a crew of one hundred. Our goals are not so lofty.</p>
<p>And since neither of us wants to be bossed around by the other, we&#8217;ve slipped into our own style of how to do things.</p>
<p>We’ve been sailing together over a decade, living and loving together for fifteen. Open communication comes easily (and sometimes vociferously).</p>
<p>We were both historians before we left to go sailing, researching, writing, and expressing ourselves through discussion and debate on equal footing with the other.</p>
<h5>When we got our first sailboat together, we wanted to maintain that equal footing, so we took an offshore course, <em>together</em>.</h5>
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<td class="caption" style="text-align: center;" valign="top"><a href="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/SailingthruNYC.jpg"><img style="display: inline; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; border-width: 0px;" title="Sailing thru NYC" src="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/SailingthruNYC_thumb.jpg" border="0" alt="Sailing thru NYC" width="244" height="186" align="right" /></a></td>
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<td class="caption" style="text-align: center;" valign="top">Sailing thru NYC</td>
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<p>Never mind that it was like a second honeymoon in the gorgeous sailing ground of the BVIs; even better, we discovered that our separate sailing experiences and skills complemented each other, and we have learned ever since to recognize our individual strengths and weaknesses.</p>
<p>In this way, we’ve grown as sailors, and as a sailing couple.</p>
<p>As in the case of our departure from Banderas Bay, we rely on talking things through and reading each other’s nonverbal signals (yeah, a lot can be conveyed non-verbally). We keep each other in line; neither pulls rank. Mostly, we are generally good-natured folk and try not to let the tension of a particular moment ruin a day.</p>
<h5>Sometimes he&#8217;s right, sometimes I am.</h5>
<p>Usually it doesn’t matter.  We always get there one way or another.</p>
<p>I&#8217;m not sure either of us would have cut the muster on Captain Cook’s ship, but we do just fine on <em class="boat_name">Momo</em>.</p>
<p>But lest you think the main point here is to encourage boisterous debate, let me be clear. We women are all enthusiastic citizens of this post-suffragist world, and our voices are important. No one believes that more than I.</p>
<h5>But the safety of the vessel is most critical, and I in no way advocate inappropriate insurrection against your captain.</h5>
<p><a href="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/FamilyBeachTime.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px 0px 0px 10px; display: inline; border-width: 0px;" title="Family Beach Time" src="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/FamilyBeachTime_thumb.jpg" border="0" alt="Family Beach Time" width="244" height="186" align="right" /></a>Bernie and I have lived aboard for nearly eight years now with no sign of mutiny (not even from our children) &#8212; and that&#8217;s because our structure of command and communication is clear.</p>
<p>It shifts from one moment to the next, but when one of us asserts authority in a critical situation, everyone else intuitively understands who&#8217;s in charge.</p>
<p><strong>Chain of command is important (even if it looks a little strange), and understanding how <em>yours </em>works (<em>while still exercising your voice!</em>) is most critical to your success as a sailing couple.</strong></p>
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<td style="text-align: center;" width="200" valign="top"><a href="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/DemocracyinactionJana18mos.jpg"><img style="display: inline; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; border-width: 0px;" title="Democracy in action, Jana (18 mos)" src="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/DemocracyinactionJana18mos_thumb.jpg" border="0" alt="Democracy in action, Jana (18 mos)" width="237" height="184" /></a><span class="caption">Democracy in action<br />
(Jana, 18 months)</span></td>
<td style="text-align: center;" width="157" valign="top"><a href="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/DemocracyinactionLola3.jpg"><img style="display: inline; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; border-width: 0px;" title="Democracy in action, Lola (3)" src="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/DemocracyinactionLola3_thumb.jpg" border="0" alt="Democracy in action, Lola (3)" width="155" height="203" /></a><span class="caption">Democracy in action<br />
(Lola, 3 yrs)</span></td>
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<h5><a href="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/MichelleElvy.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px 10px 0px 0px; display: inline; border-width: 0px;" title="Michelle Elvy" src="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/MichelleElvy_thumb.jpg" border="0" alt="Michelle Elvy" width="164" height="173" align="left" /></a> About Michelle Elvy</h5>
<p><em>Michelle Elvy is an independent writer, living on a sailboat with her husband and two daughters for the last eight years. </em></p>
<p><em>Their travels began between the Chesapeake Bay and New England, and the last six years have taken them across the Pacific, from California to Hawaii, British Columbia to Alaska, Mexico to New Zealand. </em></p>
<p><em><a href="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/MomoinNZ.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px 10px 0px 0px; display: inline;" src="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/MomoinNZ_thumb.jpg" border="0" alt="Momo in New Zealand" width="164" height="128" align="left" /></a>Michelle&#8217;s professional lives have included teacher, historian, translator, editor, and chief wrangler at a software consulting company. She has written stories about children, food, faraway places, motorcycling, dreaming big, and the kindness of strangers. </em></p>
<p><em>She currently lives aboard <span class="boat_name">Momo</span> with her family in New Zealand. </em></p>
<p><em>You can read more at </em><a href="http://svmomo.blogspot.com/"><em>svmomo.blogspot.com/</em></a><em> and you can follow Michelle&#8217;s musings and publications at </em><a href="http://michelleelvy.wordpress.com"><em>michelleelvy.wordpress.com</em></a><em>.</em></p>
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<h6>More info</h6>
<ul>
<li class="note"><a href="http://www.womenandcruising.com/resources.htm#KidsAboard">Kids Aboard</a> Resources (on this website)</li>
</ul>
<h6>Related articles (on this website)</h6>
<ul>
<li class="note"><em><a href="http://www.womenandcruising.com/admirals-angle/2007/01/5-joint-effort/">Joint Effort</a> (Admiral’s Angle column #5)</em></li>
<li class="note"><a href="http://www.womenandcruising.com/admirals-angle/2008/08/24-admiral-abuse/" target="_blank">Admiral Abuse</a> <em>(Admiral’s Angle column #24)</em></li>
<li class="note"><a href="http://www.womenandcruising.com/blog/2010/03/international-womens-day-then-and-now/" target="_blank">International Women’s Day then and now: Women Rocking the World in Their Own Way</a>, by Michelle Elvy</li>
</ul>
<hr size="1" />
<blockquote style="text-align: center;"><p><strong>How do you make decisions aboard your boat?</strong><br />
Let us know. Email <a href="mailto:kathy@forcruisers.com">kathy@forcruisers.com</a> or leave a comment below.</p></blockquote>
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