Admirals' Angle » Singlehanding

#28 – Single Women Sailing – Part 2

Gwen Hamlin — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 20:37:00 +0000

It’s not everyday you run across a woman who owns and sails her own boat. But it’s not all that uncommon either. People are inclined to make a big deal of it, but really why should they? There is nothing about boating that a woman can’t take on if she’s of a mind to and if the boat and its equipment match her strength and resources. The days of the sea as the exclusive province of men are long gone

Many single female sailors I’ve met were once part of a cruising couple where the partner is no longer in the picture. Debbie of Illusions, for example, did not become a single-hander by choice.

Her husband died unexpectedly leaving her with a difficult decision: either learn how to continue on her own or give up the boat and move back to Missouri.

When Joy faced divorce from her husband thirty years ago, she wanted their cruising boat. “In my mind there had always been ‘two captains,’ although I doubt he shared this concept. Not many did back then. But, I had the buy-out money and the perseverance, so eventually, painfully, I did end up owning Banshee on my own.”

Marjetka signed on for a three-year circumnavigation adventure with the male owner of 26’ Little Mermaid, but after 30 days sailing around Europe he wanted to cancel the deal. Marjetka was so angry, she impulsively bought him out and, despite having little sailing experience, continued across the Atlantic on her own.

And when her former husband lost interest in sailing and their cruising boat sat unused on the dock, Sherry got involved in local racing, eventually buying her own race boat Fast Lane and putting together an all-woman crew. “It took several years and a few hundred races, learning all the tactics and rules the hard way (by making mistakes), but I eventually ended up with the fastest boat and the best women’s crew in all of our women’s racing circuit.”

None of these women set out to be pioneers. They didn’t sail on their own to make a statement. They just wanted to keep sailing when, one way or another, their men failed them.

Other women start from scratch. Kiwi sailor Jackie of Soulmate got the bug as a youngster when she co-opted her father’s sailing dinghy. “I used to take off sailing all over the place on my own, which caused my parents no end of worry.” Focused on having her own cruising boat someday, Jackie put her head down and built up and sold two businesses to raise the capital needed for the boat that now carries her around the South Pacific.

More typically, women evolve into owner-operators when various trial experiences don’t prove satisfying enough. “When I turned 50,” says Rachel of the CT 47 Ventana, “I decided to take a year or two off and cruise on other people’s boats, combining the two things I enjoy most, traveling and sailing. I answered ads for crew and ended up sailing for two years on four boats. The first three were all skippered by men, and in each case I experienced problems of being continually propositioned. I finally found a boat with a couple aboard who simply wanted help sailing their boat from Thailand to South Africa. A very pleasant year, but their style of cruising was not really mine. I came to feel that I would have to be extremely lucky to ever find a boat cruising the way I wanted to cruise with a man whose propositions I would welcome.” Instead of giving up, Rachel took the big step of buying her own boat.

On the other hand, it was purely a taste for adventure in general that motivated successful professionals Linda and Dee to buy the Liberty 49 Serafin. They divided up the duties they’d have to learn and subsequently cruised together for several years. When an onboard fire stopped their cruise short, they shipped the boat to Ft. Lauderdale for a refit. The refit sapped Dee’s commitment, but Linda, not ready to quit, has since sailed the boat back through the Canal and across the Pacific, using fellow cruisers met in Mexico for crew.

Single-handing is a lot of work. It means 24-hour watches under way and doing both the “blue” AND “pink” jobs every boat demands. Most of the single-woman sailors I’ve met do sometimes use crew, particularly for passages. Leery about using unknown pick-up crew, most women turn to friends, friends of friends, or boyfriends. But sometimes that complicates life more than it simplifies it. Men tend to develop what Joy calls the “rooster complex … they just can’t resist taking over,” while, as Linda has recently experienced, others can’t handle taking direction from a female which turns help into handicap. It can also be emotionally disruptive, as when Marjetka’s friend flies in from Norway. “First I look forward to seeing him, then I fret about him being in the way of the way I do things. When he is here, he helps me get so much done on the boat, but then he is gone again, and I am lonely where I wasn’t before.”

Marjetka and Debbie, both sailing small boats, point out that single-handing as a woman can be very isolating, as they are often odd person out in the anchorage. Says Debbie, “Since there are few single women and most couples socialize together, I find myself on my own or hanging out with the “guys” (male single-handers). I pay my own way at happy hours and group dinners and don’t expect to be treated any different from any of the other guys.”

An alternative to being lonely or depending on men who may have other agendas is taking on another woman as crew.

Rachel of Ventana met Elisabeth, a young Norwegian, in Panama crewing on a German boat transiting the canal for the South Pacific. The boat was Elisabeth’s fourth boat with a male skipper. Over a casual conversation on the vagaries of crewing for single women, a mutual friend mentioned Rachel and that she’d recently been through two disappointing crew. Elisabeth sought Rachel out and has been her crew for the six years since.

Joy of Banshee has a similar arrangement now with Leslie, who “dropped into” Joy’s life 13 years ago. “Leslie was a broke, single-handing scuba instructor on a tiny boat. She loved sailing, enjoyed boat work and dreamed of going offshore, but didn’t have the finances to do so.” Joy did have the finances and the comfortable cruising boat, but no sailing partner. Again, a match-up that has stood the test of time.

Is it weird cruising as two women? “When we arrive in a small village in a remote island group,” relates Rachel, “the canoes will come out, look at Elisabeth and me and then ask where our husbands are? When we explain that we don’t have any, they are very confused, and particularly the men have trouble relating to us. Imagine! Women, who have no children, sailing this big boat by themselves. We, in turn, look at their women and think how sad that they have not had the choices that we’ve had.”

Contributing Admirals: Debbie Leisure, Illusions – SE USA; Joy Smith, Banshee – Philippines; Marjetka K, Little Mermaid – Vanuatu; Sherry McCampbell, Soggy Paws – Panama; Jackie Hope, Soulmate – New Zealand; Rachel Emery, Ventana – Papua New Guinea; Linda Morgenstern, Serafin – New Caledonia; Terri Watson and Kimi Harrison, Delphinus – Bay Area USA, and others.

This article was published in the November 2008 issue of Latitudes and Attitudes.

Related articles (on this website)

Single Women Sailing – Part 1 (Admiral’s Angle column #27)
Debbie Leisure learns to sail her boat single-handed (Women and Cruising blog)
Sailing on, single handed, by Elizabeth Tyler
On my own, but never alone, by Laura McCrossin

#27 – Single Women Sailing – Part 1

Gwen Hamlin — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 20:35:00 +0000

Not every woman comes with a man attached to her hip. For some this is a good situation and for others not so good, but for women wanting to go cruising, it could be seen as a handicap. Certainly the majority of the cruising community is comprised of couples, but it is often surprising to discover that couples you take to be married, not only are not, but may in fact be in arrangements of ease and convenience that have been in place no more than a week, month, or season. By no means does cruising present a closed door for unattached women.

But first and foremost you must be ready to go. You need to face all the major connections in your life and see which ones can be cut and which ones can be put on ice for awhile. Major stumbling blocks to the dream usually are job, family, real estate and relationships. These are entanglements you need to see yourself clear of before putting yourself out there.

The ideal scenario, of course, is to meet a (nice) guy with a (nice) boat. In this day and age people are quick to think of internet matchmaking and personal ads. Perhaps it may work for some, but before she met Dave, Sherry, who was very keen to get back into the cruising lifestyle, tried the internet only to waste a lot of time with guys who weren’t ever going to go. Before she met Tony, Ellen answered an ad in Boat US – “Popeye looking for Olive Oyl,”– behind which was a guy with a Tayana 37 and a plan to sail to Spain. Psyched, Ellen commuted on weekends to sail with him and started trying to figure out how to quit her job…. until an old girlfriend of his resurfaced and Ellen was out. On the other hand, we have known men who’ve placed ads for a cruising companion – essentially a mail-order partner, and we run across them still cruising happily years later. So it can work.

However, it is far more effective to be in situ, that is, physically be in locations where cruisers congregate, get involved in related activities, and let things develop naturally. “Thirty years ago I had a dream of sailing around the world,” says Judy, who was then a lawyer with the IRS, “but my only sailing experience was on small boats on lakes in Michigan. I knew I needed experience on bigger boats on the ocean, so when I couldn’t get the dream out of my head, I took a leave of absence, hopped a plane to the Virgin Islands, and, soon found a job on a charter boat. If you’re a decent cook, it’s fairly easy to find work, and if you’re not, there are boats with larger crews that need stewardesses or deckhands. I really enjoyed working on charter yachts. Sure, I met some pretty weird characters and suffered through a few less-than-ideal jobs, but I also found jobs with great teachers who were happy to show me the ropes.”

Much happier sailing than trapped in an office, Judy eventually became a licensed captain, a well-known charter chef, and executive director of the Virgin Island Charteryacht League. “Once you have some experience and are living the life, all sorts of opportunities open up, including finding like-minded potential significant others!”

Sherry met Dave through SSCA friendships, Ellen met Tony after a race from Annapolis to Solomon’s Island, Judy met Bryan when she signed aboard as chef after he’d brought his boat into charter, and, for that matter, I met Don after we sized each other up on the dock. All four of us met compatible partners by being where sailors congregate, and all of us are since married and out cruising full time.

But do you have to get married to go cruising? I’ll confess this was something I worried about. Would officials in other countries care? Would I stand out as some sort of social pariah? The answer is NO. No one asks, and no one cares. Ellen and Tony sailed together for four years before marrying, Judy and Bryan for three, and Don and I for seven! As in any relationship, when the time is right, the time is right. As Ellen so nicely puts it, “By then, we knew we were committed to each other as much as if we were married.” So, I am appalled when I hear of women, particularly first time cruisers, who insist on being married before setting sail with a boyfriend. What if it doesn’t work out?

What you do need is a binding financial arrangement that covers your you-know-what if things don’t work out, especially if you are out of your home country and most especially if you become a financial partner in the boat (in which case, be sure your name is on the vessel’s document). I recently met Janet who several years ago joined her money and hard work with a guy fitting out a boat to cruise around the world, only to have him tell her, one year into the cruise and in the middle of the Pacific, to get off. And they’d gotten married at his insistence! It’s no easy thing to fight for your rights so far from home.

If you’re not ready to make the kind of jump Judy made thirty years ago, there is an alternative. Crewing.

Most all the major passage-making rallies have provisions for matchmaking extra crewmembers to boats that want them. Alternatively, there are internet-based crew-finding opportunities. Neither of these are paid, professional crew situations, but opportunities to be a watch-standing hand on boats making ocean passages. Arrangements are different in every case, but usually you are expected to pitch in for food expenses and of course you are responsible for you own airfare to and from the rendezvous point.

Recently I met Ruth, a 26-year old woman from Oxford, England who flew into Fiji to crew on a Hallberg Rassey 49 headed on a fast track to Indonesia, the Red Sea and Europe, an ideal-sounding slot she found through www.findacrew.net. Unfortunately, the boat had unanticipated problems coming out of cyclone-season storage, and, after a month of twiddling her thumbs waiting to go, Ruth eventually flew back to New Zealand. However, there she hooked up quickly with another boat passaging north to Fiji with two other hitchhiking crew (including the above-mentioned Janet who refuses to be daunted in making a circumnavigation, even if it has to be piecemeal!) and then in Fiji quickly found another boat sailing on to Australia. Again, the unequivocal advantage of being in place.

Ruth’s experience is a perfect example of the plusses and minuses of crewing for unattached women. For relatively little investment and a lot of flexibility, you get the adventure of long-distance sailing, the chance to learn a great deal about ocean sailing, and the luxury of experiencing a variety of different boats. On the other hand, just as Judy observed, you may have to put up with some weird characters and suffer through a few less than ideal situations, something single women do need to be cautious about.

The biggest negative about being temporary crew is that you are often required to sign off the boat upon arrival and so miss out on the fun, island-hopping part of cruising. You also miss out on the particularly special aspect of traveling the world in your own home. For this reason, some single women take the big step of sailing the world on boats of their own. Stay tuned for Part Two.

Contributing Admirals: Judy Knape, Ursa Minor; Ellen Sanpere, Cayenne III; Sherry McCampbell, Soggy Paws; Ruth Williams and Janet Garnier, crew at large; among others!

This article was published in the October 2008 issue of Latitudes and Attitudes.

Related articles (on this website)

Single Women Sailing – Part 2 (Admiral’s Angle column #28)